Tag Archives: Randy Moss

Monday Afternoon Foosball: 11/1

Location of Italy

Image via Wikipedia

Daddy’s back! Did you miss me? I know I said I was just going to the corner store for some milk and cigarettes, but that store was out of both and I had to go to Italy to get the milk and then I had to be hospitalized for missing you too much. Sorry! Who wants souvenirs?!

Football

Let’s see: Texas lost. Again. Notre Dame lost a football game to Tulsa, their starting QB for the rest of the season to some injury (I didn’t actually watch the game), and a videographer to a gust of wind. Awesome week in South Bend – the Brian Kelly Era is off to a bangin’ start. Michigan State and Missouri both lost their first game of the season. Did I mention Texas is 4-4 and lost to Baylor? WTF?

Sunday was a better day for football as the Patriots almost literally decapitated Brett “Penis” Favre on their way to a 28-18 victory, and the Jets managed to score no points against the Packers, losing 9-0. All of those words, in that order, make me happy.

And what the hell are the Vikings and Brad Childress thinking? To my readers in Minnesota (I have readers there, right?): the head coach of the Vikings is not right in the head. Here’s to Moss re-signing with the Pats and then forging a letter from Belichick to Childress that says “Thanks for the 3rd round pick, sucka!” Aside – thinking of Minnesota reminds me of a favorite joke: Why do all the trees in Minnesota bend north? Because Iowa blows.

Movies

Tthhhbbbtt! Saw 3D won the Halloween box office with $22.5 million; Paranormal Activity 2 was second with $16.5 million. Both “films” can take a long walk on a short pier. Someone wake me up when the Oscar movies start coming out – I’ll be in the den napping.

Puppies, an Attractive Woman, a Funny Link and a Good Song

In that order:

In honor of the day after Halloween.

If you don’t like that song, there’s not much hope for you. Sorry.

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A Viking Once Again

New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss ...

Apparently the Pats are like rolling stone...

As all Patriots fans now know, Randy Moss was traded to the Minnesota Vikings on Wednesday for a 3rd round pick in the 2011 draft. It’s been written about extensively (Simmons, King, Silver) and I assume ESPN devoted several segments of Sports Center to the topic. My opinion has morphed from “What the hell were the Patriots thinking?” to “What the hell did Moss do this time?” to “Who are we going to draft next year with our 8 picks in the first four rounds?” Lots of stuff to think about, so let’s go with the tried and true pro/con list:

Cons

  • Moss’ departure leaves the Patriots without a true deep threat – Brandon Tate ain’t gonna cut it. Every play Moss was a part of, he occupied at least one corner, and the safety on his side of the field had to pay attention to him. Tate or anyone else won’t receive the same respect or attention.
  • I fear Wes Welker getting double-teamed all the time, putting more pressure on Tate, Julian Edelman and our corps of tight ends to produce.
  • I think Baby Goat sometimes wants to throw the football as far as he can to exorcise whatever in-game demons might be eating at him. Moss gave him a reason (or an excuse, depending on your opinion) to do it – who fills that role now? Or was this Brady caving to Moss’ demands to be thrown to? We’ll see, I guess.

Pros

  • Without Moss the Pats are going to be a more workmanlike team, mercilessly chipping away at defenses the way the Patriots of 2001-2004 did – Simmons said as much in his piece and I agree. Both Moss’ deep threat and personality are gone. The Patriots now have several very good offensive options for Brady, and he and Belichick are the face, heart and soul of the franchise once more.
  • Next year’s draft could be a special one for the Patriots. Depending on how the Raiders and Panthers finish this season, the Pats could have 3 of the first 35 picks (they have Oakland’s first round pick and Carolina’s second rounder – and I don’t see either team winning more than 5 games). There are so many scenarios that could unfold, and none of them are bad for the Patriots. Worst case? Logan Mankins leaves, the Pats don’t trade for another receiver this season (Deion Branch? Vincent Jackson?) and the young defense doesn’t mature and gel the way Belichick wants and needs them to. Next year’s draft could address all 3 issues and still net the Patriots a 1st round RB along the lines of Mark Ingram or DeMarco Murray. Two words: Suh. Weet.

The Offending Party will miss Randy Moss – he was exciting to watch, gave the Patriots a rare talent on offense and was never boring, on or off the field. Short-term, I think the Pats suffer a bit. But the long-term trade-off is going to be worth it – the Pats have the opportunity to solidify their place as an elite team for the next 5-7 years.

“My Whole Brain is Crying!”

Imagine that I have been the janitor for the past three-plus days. But I’m back now, so let’s get to it. (If I could come to with Alison Brie lying next to me, I’d totally allow myself to get chloroformed.)

Movies

Honestly, there’s nothing good coming out this weekend. Secretariat? Pass – the horse won the Triple Crown; I don’t need a movie about the humans involved. Life as We Know It? I’m not sure I’d see this movie even if Katherine Heigl was naked the whole time. That’s a lie – of course I would. But I’d bring headphones to the theater so I wouldn’t have to listen to her speak. Do yourself a favor and go see one of these instead: Easy A, The Town, Let Me In or The Social Network.

Football

Pittsburgh visits South Bend to take on the Irish in a game that better end up running Notre Dame’s record to 3-3. Notre Dame’s victim last week, Boston College, visits Raleigh to take on N.C. State – Go Pack! Texas gets a week off to lick their wounds – they play at #7 Nebraska next Saturday. And in a game that looks watchable regardless of who you root for or against, undefeated #18 Michigan State visits Ann Arbor to take on undefeated #17 Michigan. Personally, I hope the Spartans can pull out a win because I like underdogs and I’m scared of wolverines – they’re ugly and mean.

The Patriots have their bye this week, but Randy Moss has to wait for his week off as he was traded to the Vikings Wednesday (more on this tomorrow). Most of the NFL match-ups this weekend are pretty awful – Tampa Bay v. Cincinnati, St. Louis v. Detroit, Chicago v. Carolina? Woof.

Puppies

Back by popular demand! Seriously.

Scattergories

  • I mentioned the hi-jinx involving Jonathan Franzen’s glasses on Monday. The situation has been resolved, and the ransom was not paid. You heard me.
  • If you’ve watched any of baseball’s Division Series you may have caught a glimpse of Coco’s blimp.
  • If you live in the NYC area, I think you should go see this cafĂ©.
  • And finally, just because I can:

 

Am I allowed to ask for this for Christmas?

I’ll be posting over the weekend, so stop by and learn about the real world, son.

 

Monday Afternoon Foosbal: Yikes!

Forgive me if I seem a little out-of-sorts or cranky today, but this was one of the last things I saw before I went to bed last night:

So what if I do have a tramp stamp that says SEXY? F*ck you.

That photo may not be an entirely accurate depiction of Sunday night, but that’s what I remember. Also, Braylon Edwards trimmed his homeless man beard so everything’s OK with him, too. Huh? What? Really? And here I thought he was such a nice young man.

Alright, let’s get to it – this wasn’t pretty:

Patriots, 38-30 – When I wrote last week that I’d be disappointed if the Pats didn’t score 40 points, I didn’t think they’d need to. Baby Goat and Randy Moss got theirs, but the Patriots defense allowed the Bills to score 30 points. A win’s a win, but when this game is the only good news from the weekend, things are amiss.

UCLA Bruins, 34-12 – The Longhorns apparently had a collective flashback to 1997 and lost to UCLA on Saturday, turning the ball over 4 times in the first half. I believe I used the verb “destroy” in describing this game on Friday. Turns out I was half-right.

Stanford Cardinal, 37-14 – At least I saw this one coming. The final score is misleading because the Irish got pounded all game long – Stanford kicked 5 field goals and Notre Dame scored 8 of their 14 points after the outcome was already decided. An ugly game in South Bend for fans o’ the Irish. Also: it’s always bothered me that Stanford is The Cardinal.

NYJ, 31-23 – My hatred grows with each passing week…

I have nothing nice left to say, so I’ll say this: Scott Caan is pretty funny.