The Offending Party Likes: “Little Lion Man”

Every so often I hope to throw a post together where I grant something – a TV show, a movie, a book, a lingerie model, a breed of dog, whatever – The Offending Party’s (soon-to-be-coveted) Seal of Approval. Today:

My friend J.C. doesn’t like this song. You know what? This isn’t his blog! Also, I needed something to get Ke$ha out of my head…

T.O.P.’s Weekend Plans: 10/15-17

Movies

RED My anticipation of this movie means I’ll probably be disappointed by it, but it’s currently tracking at 70% on RT – higher than any other wide release this week. Although, given the competition that’s not exactly shocking…

Jackass 3D – I know a couple of people who are genuinely excited to see this third installment of Johnny Knoxville and company inflict pain on themselves and others – I certainly enjoy watching Bam Margera get laid out on his ass by pretty much anything, a giant hand included. Because he’s a douche bag and deserves it. But I can’t justify spending $12 – $15 (3D!) to waste 100 minutes watching mental midgets get injured by increasingly convoluted methods. All this movie does, paired with the fact that it will likely win the box office cage match this weekend, is remind me we’re a year or two away from prime-time TV shows called Nutshots! and Eat WHAT For Money? Also: Idiocracy will be re-categorized as “psychic documentary.”

Hereafter – Clint Eastwood’s newest opens in NYC and LA before expanding nationwide next weekend. I love Eastwood, and he’s certainly earned the right to do whatever the hell he wants, but between this and Invictus I’m starting to worry about him. And I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with Matt Damon.

Football

Notre Dame hosts Western Michigan… ? Huh. Western Michigan. 4-3 it is. The Seminoles should absolutely destroy Boston College, the Spartans host Illinois, who are coming off their upset win over Penn State last week, and #1 Ohio State goes to #18 Wisconsin. I love the entire upper mid-west, and I hate Jim Tressel’s sweater vests, so: Badgers, 37-31. (I wasn’t going to say anything, but Texas is going to get smoked by Nebraska. I’m not happy about it, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and take it.)

The Ravens travel to Foxborough Sunday in a rematch from last year’s playoffs. That game did not end well for Patriots fans. Here’s to hoping this one ends better – I think it will: Pats, 27-23. Also: Big Ben returns from suspension to lead the Steelers against the Browns, who will start rookie Colt McCoy at QB. This is a tough one – Steelers D against a rookie QB making his first career start… Steelers, 196-3. You can score 196 points in football, right?

Misc.

  • Do you know how I know America is obese and unhealthy? Two facts: 1. There is a McRib locator website so people can see online which McDonald’s in their area have the “pork” sandwich; and 2. Said site crashed several times yesterday and this morning.
  • I’m a little embarrassed that I find this song catchy and listenable. Actually, very embarrassed, but dammit, it’s stuck in my brain. Kudos to whoever produced this track:
  • And finally, Minka Kelly was named the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire. JETER!! *drops to knees, shakes fist*

The Offending Party Likes: “The High Road”

Every so often I hope to throw a post together where I grant something – a TV show, a movie, a book, a lingerie model, a breed of dog, whatever – The Offending Party’s (soon-to-be-coveted) Seal of Approval. Today:

James Mercer (The Shins) and Brian “Danger Mouse” Burton (Gnarls Barkley, Gorillaz) collaborate on a song that inspired this comment on YouTube: “Makes me want to drink alone… love it.” Oddly enough, I can’t think of higher praise. Enjoy.

Community Football Food Service

You heard me:

Tough or insane? While I generally dislike anything related to Virginia Tech, this story is bad-ass.

Reason #47 why Community is awesome – check out this video that shows Abed’s completely weird yet secondary sub-plot from last week’s Community. For the last time: watch this show instead of Big Bang Theory. Please. (P.S. Watch the background.)

Keeping you on your toes – Matt Taibbi’s latest blog post will confuse and anger you. Well, it did me, anyway.

Something good came out of restaurant industry hell – It’s this short film (via Vulture):

GROVER! This is everywhere, and now it’s here:

PUPPIES! As promised in the last post:

FOOTBALL! Ha, ha – Dallas sucks. And the Packers are turning into the Red Sox of the NFL – all their players are falling apart.

A Figurative Whore

If you don’t live in California, you’re forgiven for not caring about that state’s gubernatorial race between Republican Meg Whitman (ex-CEO of eBay) and Democrat Jerry Brown (ex-governor and current D.A. of California). You’re also forgiven if you do live there, because politics in this country has become about screaming “foul” the loudest and doing whatever it takes to get elected, and not genuinely caring about your constituents and finding responsible, intelligent and compassionate solutions to the country’s problems. Following any political race anywhere in the U.S. is as pleasant as having your kneecaps gnawed on by a mountain lion, and about as inspiring. That is, not very.

Last Thursday a recording of an associate of Jerry Brown calling Meg Whitman a “whore” was circulated to the media (I quote liberally from the article linked there):

The campaign of Democratic gubernatorial candidate Jerry Brown apologized Thursday after one of his aides was overheard referring to Republican rival Meg Whitman as a “whore” in a taped telephone message.

The recording of the conversation was circulated to the press Thursday. It was captured on a telephone answering machine when Brown left a message after calling the Los Angeles Police Protective League last month.

After Brown apparently believed he had hung up the telephone, the machine continued to record a conversation between Brown and his aides.

Oopsie. I’ve got $10 that says Jerry Brown triple clicks the receiver or the end button on the phone after hanging up now.

The Democratic candidate complained that the union, which endorsed Whitman, wanted him to soften his support for pension reform.

“Do we want to put an ad out?” Brown said. “That I have been warned if I crack down on pensions — that they’ll go to Whitman, and that’s where they’ll go because they know Whitman — will cut them a deal?”

At that point, what appears to be a second voice interjects: “What about saying she’s a whore?”

Brown replies, “Well, I’m going to use that. It proves you’ve cut a secret deal to protect the pensions.”

And there’s where things went, as they say, sideways. Whitman’s camp released the following statement in response to the recording:

Campaign spokeswoman Sarah Pompei called it “an insult to both Meg Whitman and to the women of California.”

“This is an appalling and unforgivable smear against Meg Whitman,” she said in a statement. “At the very least Mr. Brown tacitly approved this despicable slur and he himself may have used the term at least once on this recording.”

Appalling and unforgivable? Really? The Holocaust was appalling and unforgivable. The rhetoric here is what I find appalling and nearly unforgivable. Taken in context, I think it’s clear Brown’s aide was not literally calling Whitman a whore – I seriously doubt the ex-CEO of eBay takes money in exchange for sex. What she may do is take the support of the police union in exchange for agreeing to exempt them from sweeping changes to the state’s pension system (which is one of about 673 things very, very broken in California). If Brown’s aide had simply put the word “figurative” before “whore” in his comment, the point would have been clearer and far less insulting and/or controversial: Brown and his camp believe that Whitman and her camp have made a deal to help her get elected, and they’re trying to spin it in such a way that helps Brown get elected.

What have we learned? They’re both figurative whores, but only one of them was accidentally recorded saying it out loud. I wish they both could lose.

(If it seems like I am defending Brown’s aide and his choice of words, I’m not. That said, this was a recording of what was supposed to be a private conversation, and in context I hear a political slur, not gender-bias. Also: in “people in glass houses throwing stones” news, I’ll eat my boxers if Whitman, or anyone in her camp, hasn’t privately called Brown an asshole or worse. At the very least, they play California über Alles and snicker with delight.)

(Heavy post – silliness and puppies coming later.)

A Viking Once Again

New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss ...

Apparently the Pats are like rolling stone...

As all Patriots fans now know, Randy Moss was traded to the Minnesota Vikings on Wednesday for a 3rd round pick in the 2011 draft. It’s been written about extensively (Simmons, King, Silver) and I assume ESPN devoted several segments of Sports Center to the topic. My opinion has morphed from “What the hell were the Patriots thinking?” to “What the hell did Moss do this time?” to “Who are we going to draft next year with our 8 picks in the first four rounds?” Lots of stuff to think about, so let’s go with the tried and true pro/con list:

Cons

  • Moss’ departure leaves the Patriots without a true deep threat – Brandon Tate ain’t gonna cut it. Every play Moss was a part of, he occupied at least one corner, and the safety on his side of the field had to pay attention to him. Tate or anyone else won’t receive the same respect or attention.
  • I fear Wes Welker getting double-teamed all the time, putting more pressure on Tate, Julian Edelman and our corps of tight ends to produce.
  • I think Baby Goat sometimes wants to throw the football as far as he can to exorcise whatever in-game demons might be eating at him. Moss gave him a reason (or an excuse, depending on your opinion) to do it – who fills that role now? Or was this Brady caving to Moss’ demands to be thrown to? We’ll see, I guess.

Pros

  • Without Moss the Pats are going to be a more workmanlike team, mercilessly chipping away at defenses the way the Patriots of 2001-2004 did – Simmons said as much in his piece and I agree. Both Moss’ deep threat and personality are gone. The Patriots now have several very good offensive options for Brady, and he and Belichick are the face, heart and soul of the franchise once more.
  • Next year’s draft could be a special one for the Patriots. Depending on how the Raiders and Panthers finish this season, the Pats could have 3 of the first 35 picks (they have Oakland’s first round pick and Carolina’s second rounder – and I don’t see either team winning more than 5 games). There are so many scenarios that could unfold, and none of them are bad for the Patriots. Worst case? Logan Mankins leaves, the Pats don’t trade for another receiver this season (Deion Branch? Vincent Jackson?) and the young defense doesn’t mature and gel the way Belichick wants and needs them to. Next year’s draft could address all 3 issues and still net the Patriots a 1st round RB along the lines of Mark Ingram or DeMarco Murray. Two words: Suh. Weet.

The Offending Party will miss Randy Moss – he was exciting to watch, gave the Patriots a rare talent on offense and was never boring, on or off the field. Short-term, I think the Pats suffer a bit. But the long-term trade-off is going to be worth it – the Pats have the opportunity to solidify their place as an elite team for the next 5-7 years.

“My Whole Brain is Crying!”

Imagine that I have been the janitor for the past three-plus days. But I’m back now, so let’s get to it. (If I could come to with Alison Brie lying next to me, I’d totally allow myself to get chloroformed.)

Movies

Honestly, there’s nothing good coming out this weekend. Secretariat? Pass – the horse won the Triple Crown; I don’t need a movie about the humans involved. Life as We Know It? I’m not sure I’d see this movie even if Katherine Heigl was naked the whole time. That’s a lie – of course I would. But I’d bring headphones to the theater so I wouldn’t have to listen to her speak. Do yourself a favor and go see one of these instead: Easy A, The Town, Let Me In or The Social Network.

Football

Pittsburgh visits South Bend to take on the Irish in a game that better end up running Notre Dame’s record to 3-3. Notre Dame’s victim last week, Boston College, visits Raleigh to take on N.C. State – Go Pack! Texas gets a week off to lick their wounds – they play at #7 Nebraska next Saturday. And in a game that looks watchable regardless of who you root for or against, undefeated #18 Michigan State visits Ann Arbor to take on undefeated #17 Michigan. Personally, I hope the Spartans can pull out a win because I like underdogs and I’m scared of wolverines – they’re ugly and mean.

The Patriots have their bye this week, but Randy Moss has to wait for his week off as he was traded to the Vikings Wednesday (more on this tomorrow). Most of the NFL match-ups this weekend are pretty awful – Tampa Bay v. Cincinnati, St. Louis v. Detroit, Chicago v. Carolina? Woof.

Puppies

Back by popular demand! Seriously.

Scattergories

  • I mentioned the hi-jinx involving Jonathan Franzen’s glasses on Monday. The situation has been resolved, and the ransom was not paid. You heard me.
  • If you’ve watched any of baseball’s Division Series you may have caught a glimpse of Coco’s blimp.
  • If you live in the NYC area, I think you should go see this café.
  • And finally, just because I can:

 

Am I allowed to ask for this for Christmas?

I’ll be posting over the weekend, so stop by and learn about the real world, son.

 

The Offending Party Likes: “True Grit”

Every so often I hope to throw a post together where I grant something – a TV show, a movie, a book, a lingerie model, a breed of dog, whatever – The Offending Party’s (soon-to-be-coveted) Seal of Approval. Today:


Coen Brothers + Westerns + Jeff Bridges + eye patches = nerd boner.

SUPER MEGA FUN POST!

I am lazy and I am pressed for time. Therefore, one post with a bit of everything. And before I forget, I may or may not be tweeting during tonight’s Patriots v. Dolphins game. If I am you should follow me because I’m sleep-deprived and a little cranky. Should be entertaining… for you, for once.

Football

Another rather unpleasant Saturday for The Offending Party. Notre Dame did manage to beat Boston College to improve to 2-3. N.C. State decided to stop playing defense in the second half of their game against Virginia Tech, which they lost 41-30. The ‘Horns gave it their best shot against the got-dammed Sooners, but to no avail (I think either I picked the wrong season to become a Longhorns fan, or Texas is trying to tell me they neither need nor want my fandom). Boise State beat whatever scrub team they played 59-0 and still fell in the polls. Because there’s a conspiracy in college football to keep non-major conference teams out of the national championship, you see. Finally, Duke lost to Maryland because Duke is f*cking horrible.

Box Office

That The Social Network made $22.4 million over the weekend is not a surprise; that Let Me In only made $5.1 million (less than that Zellweger piece o’ shit Case 39!) is a surprise. I guess no one wanted to see Hit Girl feed on humans.

Out of Control Fans of Literature

I don’t know where Jonathan Franzen happened to be when this happened to him, but WTF? I bet it was Canada – they have this staid and polite reputation, but have you seen them drink?

The New Pornographers

Catchy songs, Neko Case and a band name that gets their shows canceled (seriously). Check, check and check. Enjoy:

“We talkin’ ’bout practice.”

That lovely quote from Mr. Allen Iverson has nothing to do with the links below. Absolutely nothing. And because it’s Saturday I’ve included articles on gun violence and something called the “carried interest” tax. I don’t want your brains to be mush come Monday morning…

  • Three of the four states I’ve lived in are on this list of 10 states from which about half of all guns recovered from crime scenes originate. Thanks, Economist!
  • Matt Taibbi (a personal favorite of The Offending Party) discusses the “carried interest” tax, our Congress’ incompetence and why Reagan was cooler than you think.
  • I posted about Twitter a couple days back and neglected to mention the surprising productivity and general awesomeness of Roger Ebert. Yeah, he posts about 5 movie reviews a week, but that really is just the beginning.
  • ABC’s My Generation got canceled. According to the critics, this show being televised resembled my attempt at baking a pie: neither should have been allowed to happen.
  • Finally, I am still upset with Gorillaz. And to make it up to you, I have posted two other damn catchy songs for your weekend consumption:

If that video doesn’t convince you that Chris Walken is almost too cool for words, I’m not sure there’s any hope for you. Sorry.